Frasier loves Roz?
by Petrine
Summary: Frasier dates a girl who has an impressive resemblance to Roz. Is he really in love with Roz?


Frasier is sitting at Cafe Nervosa, drinking coffee. Roz enters.  
  
Frasier: Hello Roz.  
  
Roz: Oh hi Frasier, (pulls out a chair and joins him) listen I really liked your show today - so authentic and very.  
  
Frasier: What do you want, Roz?  
  
Roz: I need you to introduce me to the new guy in accountancy. I saw you two talking today.  
  
Frasier: Buddy?  
  
Roz: Buddy? Oh my God, his name is Buddy? I thought that was a dog's name.  
  
Frasier: What's wrong with Buddy?  
  
Roz: What isn't wrong? Buddy is someone who waits on you. I . You know - never mind. Buddy - Irrk. She stands up, about to leave.  
  
Frasier: Roz - are you really going to leave a perfectly fine man because of his name?  
  
Roz: . Well - it wouldn't be leaving him, I've never dated him. (Of Frasier's look) All right All right, fine! I guess a girl can't be choosy nowadays.  
  
Frasier: No they can't, Rozalinda.  
  
Roz makes a face and goes to the counter to order.  
  
Niles enters.  
  
Niles: Oh hello, Frasier. Mind if I join you?  
  
Frasier: Not at all. But actually that seat is taken.  
  
Niles: (sarcastic) Oh? By whom? Jasmine, the invisible woman, you dated last night?  
  
Frasier: What do you mean?  
  
Niles: I talked to dad, no one was with you last night.  
  
Frasier: She cancelled on me, just after you'd left.  
  
Niles: (mistrustful) Right! Frasier it is all right - being single is nothing to be a shame of.  
  
Frasier: I'm not single - I'm with Jasmine.  
  
Niles: Oh really?  
  
Frasier: Yes really!  
  
Niles: So how does she look like?  
  
Frasier: She is pretty.  
  
Niles: Specify.  
  
Frasier: She has long, brown hair, brown eyes, tall, charming and fiery. And the sex is wonderful.  
  
Niles: That someone you just described could be anyone.  
  
Frasier: It could not!  
  
Niles: It could, it could be . (looks around, sees Roz) . Roz!  
  
Frasier: It could not be Roz!  
  
Niles: Long, brown hair, tall, fiery - it could be Roz.  
  
Frasier: SO? Well. with Jasmine the sex is fantastic.  
  
Niles: What about the sex with Roz.  
  
Frasier: I would hardly describe it as. it was only one time. It was more . (Roz returns with a cup and puts it on the table) Oh my is that coffee?  
  
Roz: No Frasier, I went into a coffeeshop and ordered a big cup of juice.  
  
Frasier: Very funny, Roz. Oh there's Buddy. (Roz turns around and sees Buddy)  
  
Roz: Well - get him over here. (Frasier waves at him)  
  
Frasier: Hello, Buddy. Come and sit with us.  
  
Buddy: Hello Frasier - I can't stay I only got here to pick up a muffin.  
  
Roz: And here I am. (She takes his hand)   
  
Frasier: Um...yes, Buddy, this is Roz Doyle, my producer (laughs)  
  
Buddy: (laughs) Hello Roz.  
  
Roz: ( smiles) Nice to meet you, Buddy  
  
Frasier: And this is my brother Niles.  
  
Buddy: Hello (sees Niles and smiles) - Hello Nilesy.  
  
Niles: (short laugh) Um. Nilesy?  
  
Buddy: Sorry - You remind me of my ex-boyfriend.  
  
Niles: How . fun.  
  
Roz: Oh look at the time, I gotta run. (Looks at Frasier with eyes to kill. )  
  
Frasier (Mimes "I'm sorry") (Roz leaves)  
  
Buddy: So Niles, you're single?  
  
Niles: No, I'm married - to a girl.  
  
Buddy: Oh. Well it's true - the good men are either married or straight.  
  
Niles: Indeed - now off you go.  
  
Frasier: Niles. So Buddy - you like Seattle so far?  
  
Buddy: Sure, it's a lovely city.  
  
Niles: Where are you from?  
  
Buddy: I'm from Ohio.  
  
Frasier: You know if you need someone to be your tourguide.  
  
Buddy: Thank you Frasier, unless.. (looks at Niles) what are you doing tomorrow afternoon?  
  
Niles: Um.. Well actually.. I have an appointment with Frasier - a squash- game - planned for months.  
  
Frasier: Oh I just remembered, Nilesy - I've a date with Jasmine tomorrow. You are free to show Buddy your favourite places - wherever they might be. (takes a drink of his coffee.)  
  
Niles makes an effort to smile.  
  
Niles: Yes well - lucky me..  
  
Buddy: Well that is a date. I gotta hurry now - I'm late for a meeting with Kenny. Bye guys. Niles? Meet me here tomorrow afternoon around three?  
  
Niles: Can't wait.  
  
Buddy leaves-  
  
Niles: What do you think you're doing?  
  
Frasier: It was your own fault. Besides, if you have had an appointment tomorrow he would have asked you about the day after that and so on. You might as well get it over with.  
  
Niles: Punish a man for being good-looking - Now he's going to hit on me.  
  
Frasier: He is not, you're not that attractive your weird, little man.  
  
Niles: As you know, men find me irresistible - remember Billy - Daphne's brother - he made a move at me once.  
  
Frasier: Stop it.  
  
Niles: Fine. (sighs) So where were we?  
  
Frasier: Nowhere.  
  
Niles: Oh yes we talked about your sex with Roz and JAsmine.  
  
Frasier: NILES! I refuse to discuss it with you.  
  
Niles: Oh come on, you can share it with me.  
  
Frasier: It is absolutely none of your business.  
  
Niles: Fine. (drinks his coffee.)  
  
Fade out.  
  
Frasier's apartment. Martin is in his chair, reading the newspaper, Daphne's watching TV. Frasier comes in. Daphne turns off the TV.  
  
Frasier: Hello all.  
  
Martin: Hi Frase, you've got a couple of calls today - a woman named Jasmine.  
  
Frasier: Great, now maybe you'll all believe me when I say I'm not single?  
  
Daphne: Of Course, but you got to try to understand us - you've made up girlfriends before.  
  
Frasier: Daphne, don't you have some water to boil? What time is it anyway?  
  
Daphne: It is half past seven.  
  
Frasier: Oh, well I better try to call her then. Frasier (dials her number and humming - then he gets her on the phone): Oh hi Jasmine it's "Frasy" - yes (laughs) No, not at all, I'm glad you called. We're throwing a dinner party Saturday and I was hoping you'd come? Really? That's great! I'm looking forward to seeing you again. Last time we didn't got to talk much - heh heh - Well all right, I'll see you there - bye!  
  
Daphne: Well, you're obviously quite smitten with that woman.  
  
Martin: I'll say - How long time have you two been dating?  
  
Frasier: We met a couple of days ago. She is great - I don't know if I should say this so soon - but I think perhaps she is THE ONE!  
  
Martin: Well, that's great Frase.  
  
Daphne: And awfully soon - don't you think?  
  
Frasier: Well, Daph, not everyone have to wait 7 years! (smiles triumphant)  
  
Martin: Is that it? Are you trying to compete with your brother?  
  
Frasier: Absolutely not. That is just a nice bonus!  
  
Fade out.  
  
Saturday night, at Frasier's Dinner party. There's a lot of people drinking and talking. In the kitchen stands Frasier and Niles.  
  
Frasier: I think things are going really well, don't you think.  
  
Niles: Indeed.  
  
Frasier: Say, how was your date with that Buddy-boy.  
  
Niles: If you must know - he was a perfect gentleman.  
  
Frasier: I'm glad to hear that.  
  
Niles: Oh who am I kidding. It was terrible. He tried to kiss me - three times. He wouldn't take no for an answer. Then luckily he met his old boyfriend and while they were talking, I disappeared.  
  
Frasier: You actually sneaked out of there?  
  
Niles: I did absolutely nothing of that sort. I ran!  
  
Frasier: For God's sake you're both adults.  
  
Niles: Then why he kept talking baby-talk to me? He called me Nilesy and offered me a candyfloss. By the way how come is Jasmine not here? Frasier: Fashionably late I suppose.  
  
(the doorbell sounds)  
  
Frasier: Ahh, there she is now.  
  
(He goes into the living room and opens the frontdoor.)  
  
Frasier: Jasmine (kisses the woman).  
  
Jasmine: Hi Frasy.  
  
Niles who is coming toward them, sees that she has a perfect resemblance to Roz. She looks just like her.  
  
Frasier: Niles, this is Jasmine. Jamsine, this is my brother Niles.  
  
Jasmine: Hello Niles.  
  
Niles: Nice to meet you Jasmine. We thought you'd never come.  
  
Jasmine: Oh yes I'm sorry about that - I have had the worst time finding a babysitter for my daughter. Then I found one and then when she came 30 minutes late - she said that she was "fashionably late". I've never heard a worse expression, have you?  
  
Frasier: STUPID! Do you want anything - sherry, redwine?  
  
Jasmine: A beer please.  
  
Frasier walks towards the kitchen.  
  
Niles: So, you have a daughter?  
  
Jasmine: I do - her name is Alice. She is nine years old.  
  
Niles: You're divorced ?  
  
Jasmine: No , never been married - I had a one night stand - felt a little embarrassed earlier but now I'm fine with it.  
  
Niles: Oh good for you. Well. Just a minute.  
  
He goes towards the kitchen  
  
Frasier: Oh Niles, you know where we keep the.  
  
Niles: Frasier what are you doing?  
  
Frasier: I'm only trying to fix Jasmine a beer.  
  
Niles: She is exactly like Roz!  
  
Frasier: Absolutely not. You're just jealous.  
  
The doorbell rings. Frasier brings Jasmine his beer, while Niles is answering the door. Roz enters.  
  
Niles: Oh hi, Roz.  
  
Roz. Hi Niles, sorry I'm late I've had the worse time finding a babysitter. The she shows up 30 minutes late and you know what she said to me?  
  
Niles: Trust me I do.  
  
Frasier: Oh Roz. This is Jasmine, Jasmine this is Roz, my producer.  
  
Jasmine: Hi Roz.  
  
Roz: Hi... Jasmine. (looks at Niles and he just nods).  
  
Frasier: Oh Jasmine, come on you've got to see the view.  
  
(He takes her out on the balcony)  
  
Roz: Oh my God, she looks exactly like.  
  
Niles: I know..  
  
Roz: Does he know?  
  
Niles: I've mentioned it.  
  
Roz: Way to go, Frasier.  
  
Niles: You mean that? It doesn't bother you?  
  
Roz: Not at all. I'm proud of him. I mean - when you can't get the real thing you gotta go with the closest resemblance, right?  
  
Niles: well.  
  
Roz: Wauw, it is unbelievable. Has anybody else noticed?  
  
Niles: I don't think so. But then again - not a lot of these people know.  
  
Roz: Clarissa Megan? Believe me they know her! A boy doesn't become a man until he has gotten familiar with Clarissa Megan.  
  
Niles: Who?  
  
Roz: Point proved.  
  
Niles: Cute, Roz.  
  
Roz: You don't know her? Clarissa Megan - the babe from PlayBoy-Channel?  
  
Niles: Never heard of her.  
  
Roz: Why am I not surprised? I'm going to ask someone to take our picture, then I can tell everyone, Clarissa Megan is my closest friend. Now that'll be a hell of a first date.  
  
(She hurries toward the balcony. Martin, holding a beer, comes over to Niles. )  
  
Martin: Hey Niles, what's up?  
  
Niles: Frasier's date Jasmine.  
  
Martin: Oh really - where is she?  
  
Niles: Over there.  
  
( He points at Jasmine, Frasier and Roz, who are now in the living room again)  
  
Martin: Oh my God, she looks just like.  
  
Niles: I know - but nobody else has noticed..  
  
Martin: Whohohoa - Clarissa Megan.  
  
(He hurries towards them.  
  
Daphne enters with three bottles of wine.)  
  
Niles: Daphne, Daphne, thank God.  
  
Daphne: What is it?  
  
Niles: Take a look at Frasier's date - Jasmine. Doesn't she look like someone you know?  
  
Daphne: Oh my, you're right. It is like seeing Clarissa Megan in real life.  
  
Niles: No, no..  
  
Daphne: I wonder if she has ever been in a talent show.  
  
Niles: You don't understand.  
  
Daphne: She would win you know. I've never seen anything like it.  
  
Niles: Oh forget it.  
  
(walks into the kitchen. Frasier joins him.)  
  
Frasier: My God, everybody flocks around Jasmine. I think I've found myself a little treasure (laughs).  
  
Niles: Frasier can't you see it yourself? She has an impressive resemblance to.  
  
Frasier: Clarissa Megan, I know. Now everybody will say : Oh that is Dr. Frasier Crane - the radio-bull (laughs).  
  
Niles: Will you shut up already? She looks like Roz.  
  
Frasier: She does not.  
  
Niles: She even has a daughter.  
  
Frasier: A lot of people have daughters.  
  
Niles: Named Alice.  
  
Frasier: But surely the father.  
  
Niles: A one night stand.  
  
Frasier: Oh will you stop it? Jasmine is not Roz! She is nothing like her - so what - they happen to have a daughter named Alice, you're exaggerating.  
  
Niles: It's not just the daughter - she looks exactly like her - in looks and appearances.  
  
(They glance into the living room, where Roz and Jasmine are surrounded by men).  
  
Jasmine: A threesome?  
  
Roz: Gotta love that  
  
(they laugh and clink their beers)  
  
Frasier: Oh my God.  
  
Niles: You see it now? Frasier: She wants to have a threesome with me!  
  
Niles: Oh Frasier, for God's sake - look at them. They look alike, they are alike. You have found a Roz!  
  
Frasier: I have found a Clarissa Megan. Now leave it.  
  
He walks into the living room to the girls.  
  
Frasier: How are you two doing?  
  
Roz: Great, we just found out that we've been taking the same balletclass when we were four.  
  
Jasmine: I'm from Wisconsin too.  
  
A Guy: How is Wisconsin?  
  
Roz and Jasmine: CHEESY! (laugh)  
  
Frasier (seeing the resemblance): Excuse me..  
  
(He runs to the kitchen).  
  
Frasier: OH MY GOD.  
  
Fade out.  
  
At the office.  
  
Frasier comes in, sees Roz, smiles shortly.  
  
Roz: Frasier. What happened to you Saturday night? You almost ran out of there!  
  
Frasier: Nothing.  
  
Roz: Come on, tell me.  
  
Frasier: Well. didn't you see ANY resemblance between Jasmine and somebody we both know?  
  
Roz: Sure - everybody did - Clarissa Megan.  
  
Frasier: NO, Roz. I'm talking about you!  
  
Roz: Me?  
  
Frasier: You are like two drips of water. And I couldn't see it.  
  
Roz: Well - so what if we looked alike? You liked her didn't you?  
  
Frasier: Yes - but we had absolutely nothing in common. However, you two did.  
  
Roz: Well, you and I are friends! Why couldn't you just like her for the same things, you like me for?  
  
Frasier: It is not that simple Roz. WE have something in common. You and me. Jasmine has your look, a daughter, named Alice, almost your lifetime. But she misses the most important part. The part that is you. You have a wonderful sense of humour, you're loving and caring and . She missed all that.  
  
Roz: Oh Frasier, that's so sweet. (they hug). Well at least one good thing happened last night.  
  
Frasier: What is that?  
  
Roz: I met a cute guy, named Brad - oh Frasier you should have seen him. I've never met anybody like him. He's perfect.  
  
Frasier: Brad, huh.  
  
Roz: What? He's really sweet.  
  
Frasier: Well.. Yes.  
  
Roz: Aren't you happy for me?  
  
Frasier: Of course I am, Roz. (They hug again)  
  
Roz: Thank you Frasier - 30 seconds. (runs into her booth)  
  
(Frasier takes on his headphone and glances at her.) '  
  
Fade in.-  
  
At Café Nervosa, Niles and Frasier are drinking coffee.  
  
Niles: That Jasmine - you considered her as your dreamwoman?  
  
Frasier: Yeah. I suppose I was a little to quick.  
  
Niles: Or maybe.  
  
Frasier: Maybe what?  
  
Niles: Maybe you found someone who reminded you of your dreamwoman - because you know that would be easier, than confronting the real one.  
  
Frasier: So you're saying I'm in love with Clarissa Megan.  
  
Niles: NO! For God's sake. ROZ!  
  
Frasier: Roz?  
  
Niles: Why not?  
  
Frasier: That is a laugh! HA.  
  
Niles: It is not that stupid.  
  
Frasier. Oh Please. That is ridiculous!  
  
Niles: But.  
  
Frasier: Niles. Leave it!  
  
Niles: Well. Fine then. (drinks his coffee.)  
  
Frasier: Oh I know what you're doing.  
  
Niles: what?  
  
Frasier: You're manipulating me.  
  
Niles: I do not.  
  
Frasier: Oh will you stop - you're sitting there drinking your coffee like that.  
  
Niles: Like what?  
  
Frasier: Like that. Like to say: You're in love with Roz, Frasier.  
  
Niles: Are you?  
  
Frasier: Absolutely not!  
  
Niles: Ok.  
  
Frasier: Oh you don't believe me huh? Well fine. Have it your own way. But that is stupid - why would I have feelings for Roz? Oh yes of course we've been friends for a long time, and I found a girl who looked like her. BIG WHOOP.  
  
Niles is just drinking coffee, saying nothing.  
  
Frasier: You're an idiot. Leave it.  
  
Niles: Frasier.  
  
Frasier: I said LEAVE IT! Fine. What if I was in love with her? Would that be so bad? She is beautiful you know. But she has a new boyfriend, already, so I wasn't fast enough. Happy now?  
  
Niles: I'm sorry for you.  
  
Frasier is about to say something, then just stares at Niles and even though nothing is said, they understand each other completely.  
  
Fade out.  
  
Roz's apartment.  
  
Knock on the door, Roz goes to open it.  
  
Roz: Frasier. I thought you were Brad, he's coming over in a minute.  
  
Frasier: It'll only take a second. Can I come in?  
  
Roz: Sure.  
  
Frasier: It's about Brad (steps inside).  
  
Roz: (closes the door behind him)What about him?  
  
Frasier: Are you sure he's right for you?  
  
Roz: Why does this bother you - I thought we were okay?  
  
Frasier: We are - we are okay!  
  
Roz: Good.  
  
Frasier: But. do you have anything in common?  
  
Roz: A lot. We've only known each other a few says - but yesterday he told me he loved me. And you know what - I said it back. He's so simple - I'm really happy. So is Alice. And I want you to be it too.  
  
Frasier: You love him?  
  
Roz: You're not jealous, are you?  
  
Frasier: God no! I'm happy for you.  
  
Roz: I'm glad. What did you want to talk to me about, then?  
  
Frasier: Um. nothing really, just wanted to see if you were okay.  
  
Roz: I am - I'm very happy.  
  
Frasier: Good. Are you sure you love him?  
  
Roz.: Frasier..  
  
Frasier: Sorry - just wanted to be sure.  
  
Roz: Are you okay?  
  
Frasier: Yes, yes.  
  
Roz: are you sure?  
  
Frasier: Positively sure.  
  
Roz: (laughing) You're not fantasizing about getting into my pants again, are you?  
  
Frasier: Oh Yes. (Of Roz's look) I mean no - no, God no. That was a huge mistake. Not that you're not. You're a beautiful and.. Charming.. Sexy .. Oh dear God (pulls her closer and kisses her passionately. Roz kisses back at first but then she pushes him away.)  
  
Roz: (stares at him) What the hell was that?  
  
Frasier: I'm sorry, Roz. I... I'm sorry.  
  
(He hurries out, leaving Roz behind, looking confused.) 


End file.
